I am so bad at these things. I never know what to say or how to say it. I love you so much, you make me feel like no one ever has. You are the only one who has ever made me laugh the way I do and makes me feel like I can do anything. I want to cry because I so badly don't want to lose you, but I know I can't force you to stay. There are so many things I wish you knew that I never say. I should talk more, tell more, open up. I don't, I'm so scared of being hurt, I don't know what I will do without you. You are everything to me, I have no idea how you feel about me though. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't be so confused and yet I am. I think God is giving us another chance, he's letting us try again, but now he's making it so difficult because we couldn't get it together when he made it so easy. So, now he's throwing it all at us now, because if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. I have no idea if you love me or how you feel about me. I miss you everyday and leaving you kills me. I tell you none of this because I do not think you would understand. Or you might think I was crazy. I'm not as scatter brained as I come across, I'm sorry for that. I have a bad habit of doing that, it is my strange way of never letting anyone in so that I don't get hurt. I don't want to get hurt, I love you so much. I pray every night to let it work out. Silly huh? I know it is, it makes me crazy, but happiness is right there and I can feel it and almost taste, but I can not quite have it. I don't want to lose you or have you give up on me. I think you already have though. I know it's meant to be though, it's just a feeling I have. I know all this sounds ridiculus and crazy, but I get these feelings and whenever I do I am always right. It doesn't happen all the time, only a few times in my life and I know this is right. I know we can do this. I wish you would give me a chance, I wish I wasn't scared to let you see all of me. It's too painful and I am so tired of being in pain. I want it to stop and when I'm with you it does.
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