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11.30.2007

Well it's been a way shitty week. I kept hoping at some point there would be something good that happened, but it never did. I've actually gotten quite used to be disappointed and let down by everyone around me. I know, poor me, whatever, it doesn't matter, it's just how it is. I keep hoping things will work out and they never do. I feel the need then to tell me kids never to hope or wish for anything because all your dreams will always be crushed and no matter what you do or how hard you try they will NEVER happen. I don't of course, but I want to, so that they don't waste their time hoping for things and then being let down. There's a part of me that thinks it is actually better to tell them, only because they will never believe in anyone or trust anybody and they will never get hurt by anyone. Sometimes I just want to leave and forget everything. Everything pretty much completely sucks and I have nothing to look forward to. The few things that I had are gone. I have decided I am never loving anyone but my kids ever again. Love is a complete waste of time and energy, it's completely pointless and gets you know where. The guy I was seeing turned out to be just using me. Again, I am pretty much used to that treatment. Ever time I trust someone, I get screwed. Anyway, things I thought were going well and we were getting closer and then he gets sick and stops talking to me. And when I say sick, I mean a cold, nothing serious. Just that's it, doesn't say a word to me and I ask if he wants to hang out Friday night, tonight, and no response. So, another shitty night at home. I think I'm going to bed early tonight so I don't have to think about anything or talk to anyone. I've been crying all week and feel sick to my stomach.

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